Outstanding Bugs
In an email to a client yesterday I referred to the "list of outstanding bugs" that I'd be working on fixing.
This got me thinking how funny the obvious oxymoron in this statement is. As we all know, there's nothing outstanding about a bug.
Anyway, this gives me a tenuous excuse to share my favourite joke at the moment, which I'm currently telling to all and sundry, given any excuse:
Did you hear about the scarecrow who won all those awards?
Apparently, he was outstanding in his field.
Funny init?! I'm working on perfecting its telling. Can't decide how much of a gap to leave between the out and the standing.
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<GROAN>
I don't think you should leave a gap. Let the punters mull it over. A Joke always loses somthing if it is explained
Will somebody kindly put this guy out of our misery.
I came to CodeStore for the technology, and I find a joke forum?
There once was a man from Nantucket......
Reminds me of another groaner one of my bosses told me during a review once:
What did the German watch repairer say to a watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?
"Ve have vays of making you tock!"
And that was the highlight of that particular review! <sigh>
This pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel protruding from his pants.
Bartender asks: What the heck is that!??
Pirate: I dunno... but it's driving me nuts!!
Like it, but what's the relevance of the pirate? Am I missing something??
to internationalise it, I think. Very few other english speakers use 'me' to mean 'my'.
but everyone knows pirates say "me hearty's" etc.
You asked for it:
1. A grape crossed the road and got run over, he never let out a scream, just a little wine.
2. Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted.
Dont' make me pull out the really corny ones....
The other peanut was a roasted.
Hummm... is this a scheduled agent that automatically generates supossed funny comments when the database is iddle too long?
Today there was a conference in Copenhagen.
"The 18th International Humor Conference" with 149 participants from 35 countries
149 eksperter.
{Link}
I know the linked page is in Danish but please notice the image at the top of the article. Thats a good joke.
That scarecrow must have been in a "corn" field!
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.
-------------------------------------------------------------------- Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
-------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."
--------------------------------------------------------------------- A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
-------------------------------------------------------------------- A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside "How's that?" "Don't you start"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!
--------------------------------------------------------------------- What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG
--------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- "So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------- So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round." The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
--------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time " The man replied "I know I've been ill"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go there any more"
--------------------------------------------------------------------- I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- I was driving down the motorway with my bird the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it. So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- I went to buy some camoflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
--------------------------------------------------------------------- I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
Oddly enough, in rural America, that what we called farmers.
Q: "What's a farmer?"
A: "A man out standing (outstanding) in his field."
The first I've ever heard of it being for a scarecrow. Cool. =)
<spotlight>
Two URLs walk into a police station and head to the reception.
One URL points at the other URL and exclaims 'I've been framed!... and he did it!'
Other URL says 'I thought it was OK, we didn't have any arguments!'
<snare><snare><rimshot><crashcymbal></spotlight> =:()
An Englishmam, Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.
The barman says "what's this, some kind of joke?"
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.
hahaha.. now don't I feel geeky!
Ugh. Ok.
Three guys are walking down the street. The first two walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
For some reason I like kids jokes.... can't image why.
A: "Knock Knock"
B: "Who's There?"
A: "Interrupting Cow"
B" "Interrupting Cow-"
A: "-Moooo!"
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
You neak up on it!
How do you catch a tame unique rabbit?
You do da tame ting, you neak up on it!
Tim